A Tuxedo Sewn For Two

Lyrics for A Tuxedo Sewn For Two

Waiting by the urinal for my turn behind two guys Who are taking their time since they are dressed in an oversized Tuxedo that combines their bodies into one Two arms, three legs, a bowtie, a smile as bright as the sun As if they've been conjoined twins since time begun Their names are Jun and Arthur, they're getting married today I've been hired as their wedding singer, they know me by the letter J They've just learned that with a suit like this, it's hard to pee So while one guy does his business, the other turns to me And says, "Sorry, they couldn't pay much," and I say, "It's fine" 'Cause I'm having the time of my life The drinks are free, and after all, I Make a fortune from my streams on Spotify And we laugh, and they struggle to zip their fly I watch them contort their bodies as they make their way to the sink Bubbly like soap, like two five-year-olds, giggling I catch a glimpse of Arthur giving Jun a little kiss Sure, I'm here in business, but the reason on top of the list Is not money, it's tenderness They're dressed as "Two Become One" because it's always been their song But it's also a reference to Plato's Symposium The myth where Aristophanes tells how Zeus split us in half And how we're all out there looking for the other part of ourselves To be re-attached, the wound stitched up all nice and neat The dream of finally being complete Finally being complete One of the guys says, "Isn't it sweet? It's kinda like The Human Centipede" All the other guests at this wedding are also dressed as songs I was gonna be Nena's "99 Luftballons" But with red balloons taped to my body, my mind was changed As I looked more like a raspberry, so I picked "Raspberry Beret" "Gin and Juice" is drunk, "Teenage Kicks" kicking up a racket I can't take my eyes off a girl in a straitjacket She nods as if she wants me to help unlatch it She stares at me as if her eyes are hatchets Behind her red heart-shaped glasses