January

Lyrics for January

The fevered colours of my propensities Uncontrollably spilling out Like opening a water bottle upside-down And at first, just drops on the hand But quickly becoming unmanageable As I spill and sink into the ground The mound of impressions where I exist to all others Are bashed into and shape that I choose And I may spit and belch at you I may yell and scream at you Swing my fists at you But I'd do anything to make it work for you Cross my legs and shave my face Put on my best fry for you All to please you There must be an open Door through to a heart When I was walking homе at night I saw her unband; 3rd floor window I couldn't look away until our eye linеs crossed And so neatly, and unlikely But in fleeting confidence I didn't look away I held the line against that was once ingrained Newly shameless On the eve of my 20th birthday I dream of myself in all his glory And I saw him spill into the bucket A substance supreme, it completes While mire falls out of the gut And left without enough space Is spilled onto my Chinese acrylic sweater And all my friends could see it And all my friends knew I want to be unconditional in mind I want to be remembered and reminded of I want to be brought up as an anecdote to your group of friends on a Friday night And I want to be less man and more myth to them I want my existence to make you comfortable I want to build you up as the man you've always been I dote on like a child And I lust for like a dog I want you to be confident in your release I want you to maintain an outward perception I want your touch not like gripping hot plated metal and back again And I follow like a small pet And do whatever can be done to make it whole A room of snares in the back of your head As they roll The hardest kept secrets are the ones that make your friends think silently The ones that surprise you as they fall out of the mouth I want them to hear I want them to know I get excited when all the lights are turned off I get excited when I leave the shower door unlocked I get excited when the blinds are left a little open I get a feeling, swept into the darkest corner I get excited when I look through open windows I get excited when I look in the mirror at night I get excited when I can see what is not known I get a feeling, pushed behind the closet door I get excited when I drink to total blindness And I get excited when I'm in a stranger's home alone I get excited when all foreign eyes are watching me I get a feeling, learned to be ignored And I like it when you don't know my leanings And I like you face when I let you know I like it when I'm unsure of your intentions I like this feeling, left on the bathroom floor I want the validation of people who don't respect me I want to consume the love of someone who I can control I want to be assumed a seasoned sex machine I want this feeling, thrown into the bottom drawer But I hate it when you talk about girls you like And I hate it when you mentioned sex from your past I hate that I cannot tell you how I really see you And what is focused on at a glance And I want you to call me and to ask me to help you move I want you to plainly describe our many encounters I want to know the layout of your house like my own Anything I can do to make it last And I get excited when I fantasize about your stories I get excited when I'm playing a supporting role And I get excited by the thought of sleepless evenings with you Anything to fill the hole A week after my 21st birthday, I had a 2nd dream When I maintained the look of the man I was built up to be But 6 to 8 months began to shift the growing tides against what Needed to be true to save my last remaining pride And now anticipating my own impending anecdote That I can reference and compare with friends more apt And with my own two hands, I cast alone As I prepare for the first step of my newest act I want to be taken suddenly and without warning I want to be overpowered and to lose control I want you to treat me like one of your many past lovers I want you to be obsessed with me all on your own And I want to drink with you at night and let a word or two slip I want you to look at me and not say another after that I want you to show you new things that I barely know about I want to take you any way that I can